1985-87: Sydney 1985 saw the collapse of share market and the beginning of economy recession in Malaysia. My father's business was badly affected. Obviously, studying in the US was not a good choice because of the higher fees and other costs. Luckily, my dad could afford to send me to Sydney, as I was in the last batch of foreign students partly subsidized by the Australian government in the educational fees. I had to pay A$2,500 annual fee, which was a quarter of the actual A$10,000 annual fee. At that time it was extremely costly to dad. I was told to save in my expenses as my dad was having financial difficulty at that time. Finally I arrived in Sydney in early 1985. I was 19 years old then. That was my first time living in a foreign country with a western culture. I still remember my first breath of the foreign air at Sydney airport. It was quite cold at the airport, my first experience ever in a cold climate. Accompanying my trip was a college friend of mine. We were taken to a hotel at King Cross area by the taxi driver. My old high school friend came to see us in the hotel, and the next day we were moved to his flat at Randwick. I was temporarily staying in the flat, squatting in the living room. My first session in architecture studies was extremely tough. I didn't have the art background and I had the problem of catching the Australian accent. I failed in many assignments. Design subject is so subjective, to do well, one must have the artistic talent and creativity. I was panic and worked really hard. I failed the main design subject in the first session. I was very upset because I had tried my best and worked so hard on the subject. I felt tremendous pressure on me, as I did not want to disappoint dad and wasted his money. I was ridiculed by friends and flat mates on my appearance and the way I dressed. I really dressed badly, as I did not spend much money to buy new clothes. I was trying to save money, knowing my dad's financial difficulty. I lost my self-confidence again and decided to move out from the flat and stayed by myself. "I was humbled by failure and poverty. It was a painful path to spiritual righteousness. Success and prosperity lead us to pride and arrogance, and the doorsteps of Satan. This does not mean that all God's followers must be poor and failures. Will success lead us to sins? If the answer is yes, then it is better to be poor and failure on earth, and look for the prosperity awaiting us in heaven. If the answer is no (only God knows), than it is good to be rich, and remember to make good use of your money, to carry out your Christian duty." After the first session in the university, I moved to a boarding room in Coogee. It was an old two storey house, with many small rooms inside. My room was so old and small, the size was about two by three meters. Loneliness was felt and my sorrows were deepened. I was sad with the poor performance in my studies and my facial appearance. God was my only companion. During the first session break, I came to know a plastic surgeon who referred me to consult Dr. Norman, an oral and jaw surgeon. I was excited, but at the same time, I was disappointed to find out that I had to wait for another year for the appointment, as Dr. Norman was very tight in his schedules. Before meeting up with Dr. Norman, I didn't know the actual cost of the surgery. I thought the surgery needed money, so I decided to work part-time to save money for the surgery. It was hard to find a job, as Australia's economy wasn't that well at that time. I went for many interviews but all were rejected, as not many people wanted to employ foreign students. Finally, I was asked by my friend to work with him in a taxi base. That was my first job ever in my life. Me and my friend had to wash about thirty taxis a night. Our work started at around 2.00 a.m. when the taxis started to return to the base. My friend would splash the taxi with water, I would mop the body with cloth soaked with detergent, then water would be splashed again to clear the detergent and dirt. Then half-wet cloth would be used to mop the interior of the taxi. We took turn. Sometimes I splashed, and he mopped. We had to work fast to keep pace with the fast returning taxis. That was how we worked until 5.00 a.m., that was the time when all the taxis had returned to the base. It was really tiring as we worked without rest for three hours. When we finished washing all the taxis, we were given A$25 each for the job done. After that, both of us would walk home, about three kilometers away from the base. When we reached home, I could see the sunrise. "We must learn to delicate our works to God. No matter what our jobs are, we must do our best, and delicate our efforts to him. God will bless good and hardworking people and leave the cunning and lazy persons behind. God will continue to feed us, and provide us our needs. Remember not to be too choosy in our works, just pray to him and he will guide us. Keep working hard, and delicate our works to him, and he will lead us the way. Our ambitions must be set by focusing on God and eternal heaven, keep praying and we will succeed in whatever we do, when time is right, and when the success will not lead us into sins." I kept on with that job for a few weeks until the new study session started. I knew my studies were of equal importance, I had no choice but to quit the job. I managed to keep a bit of money for my surgery. The second session saw a slight improvement in my studies. I repeated the design subject that I failed and finally I passed the subject and obtained satisfactory results overall in the second session. I kept looking for jobs during my second session in university, but I failed as usual. It was hard to find a weekend job. Finally, I realized that the only weekend job available to me was to work as a leaflet distributor. I decided to work as a leaflet distributor during the weekends. I would be paid A$10 for every one thousand leaflets dropped into the mailboxes. I admit that I cheated sometimes, I seek the forgiveness from God. I distributed half of the leaflets and reported to the company that I finished distributing them all and got paid in full amount. Distributing leaflets was as tough as washing taxi. I usually worked on Saturday night, mostly around the high-class residential area. I guess the company exploited me by assigning that kind of residential areas to me, where there were hardly apartments found. You know, it was easier to distribute in areas where there were lots of apartments. Normally, I could drop in ten to twenty leaflets in each apartment compared with only one leaflet in each house. I was scary when walking through the dark roads in the low-density residential area. It was cold and lonely. I heard the sound of the cold wind blowing, the barking of dogs, the noise of parties, and the engine sound of expensive cars. I sang praises to God when I was scared and prayed to God when I was lonely. I worked hard in order to see my prayer answered, that is, to see the result of my jaw surgery. After a while, I bought a bicycle, which really helped in my job as a leaflet distributor. I would put all the leaflets in the front basket of my bicycle and cycled around the neighborhood, dropping leaflets in mailboxes. The left over leaflets came in handy for me to keep warm in my room. I used to burn the leaflets in a big metal bowl and let the smoke blew out the window. That was my alternate mean to keep warm in winter beside the electrical heater. I hesitated to switch on the heater because I wanted to save on electrical bill. Later I was sacked from my job as a leaflet distributor because the company found out that I cheated on them by not distributing all of the leaflets I claimed. My boss was really mad at me and threw the money on the table. I would say it was a tough life, but I strove on because of God's love. I had faith in God, I knew God would answer my prayer and let me had the jaw surgery. I wanted to see the miracle that I had been praying for so many years. "A tough life should not dampen our faith in God. We must see the hardship as a way to shape our life into perfection, like the craftsman shaping the raw stone into a beautiful and expensive piece of jewelry. Every cut is painful but the end result is rewarding. Cry out to him if it is too painful to bear, and we will experience that indeed he is a living God as he listens to our cries. The suffering on earth is only temporary and we must struggle for the eternal life and the paradise heaven promised by God. We shall not let the Satan temp us to fall into sins at times of suffering and sorrow. On the contrary, we must learn to transform the sorrow into peace and joy through God." In summer 1985, I went back to Penang for the school holidays. I had a strong argument with dad for complaining to him that he did not send enough money to me. I guess he was mad on me due to his problem in business and I hurt him by saying that, as he had already tried his best to support me financially. I did not disclose to dad about my relationship with God, as I knew he was a strong believer in Chinese deities. Neither did I discuss about my problems with him, as I knew he would never agree with my jaw surgery. In May 1986, I finally met Dr. Norman. I was relieved to know that my surgery would be fully paid by the Australian government, through the Medicare scheme. But I had to go through one year of orthodontist treatment before he could perform the surgery on me. I was referred to the government clinic for the free orthodontist treatment. I guess God tested my faith again by delaying the surgery. I had to go through another year of waiting and frustration. But I did see the light and hope shown by God. I had braces for almost one year. I didn't go back to Penang in summer 1986. That summer was really lonely, and a period of locking myself in the room. I prayed heavily in anticipation of the surgery. In early 1987, when I was 21 years old, I decided to move into a hostel in my university, when the new session started. The decision was made due to the break down of my old car. The car was so old that it was not worth fixing. To solve the transportation problem, I decided to stay in the hostel. The hostel was called Warrane College. Finally I got a nice room and a much better living environment ever. Dad's financial support was just enough for the hostel boarding fee. I had to use my own hard-earned money to pay for other expenses. It was good to live in Warrane College as it was a Catholic college. I came to meet lots of people with great faith in God. The environment was friendly and warm. I didn't feel the loneliness anymore, as once a while, people would come to visit me in my room. I could feel I gradually regained my self-confidence. In June 1987, my orthodontist treatment was completed, and I met Dr. Norman again. I was so excited as I knew my jaw surgery would be done soon. I was looking forward to the surgery, as that was the miracle I had been praying for years. It was in the winter holidays, Dr. Norman briefly explained to me about the nature of the operation. Not very clear exactly, but I was not scared as I knew God was with me. I found out that I could sign the surgery declaration form by myself, as I was just slightly over twenty-one years old. If not, the form had to be signed by my parents. Praise the Lord, I then realized one of the many reasons for the delay of my surgery. God wanted me to undergo the surgery at the age above twenty-one so that the consent from my parents was not needed. I also decided not to inform my dad about the operation, as he would be really angry and worry. "God sees in indefinite time. Whatever happened now is good for our future. We must learn to be patient with him and trust him, as he knows the right times to answer our prayers." The following week, I was heading to the hospital. In my entire life, that was the first time I was pushed into an operation theatre, at 8.30 a.m. I realized I was calm, and kept on praying to God, to be with me and protect me. In the operation theatre, I saw Dr. Norman walked in and gave me a warm pat. I could hear the voices in the room, the medical staffs were all busy preparing for the surgery. The time was close when God finally answered my prayer. I was moved onto the operation bed. All I could see was the big and bright lights on top. The nurse came to me and told me she was going to give me an injection, after which I would fall into 'sleep'. I had the injection, and soon I felt all the lights were darkening out, and I could not remember anything after that...... No family member, and no friend were with me before the operation. But I had the courage to enter the operation room because I knew God was with me and he would protect me. On the same day, at 9.00 p.m., I was awakened by the great discomfort felt. I was choking in half-conscious. The nurse inserted a plastic tube into my throat, sucking out the blocking fluid from it. I felt terribly discomfort every time she did that to me, I was choking and coughing all the way. I knew I couldn't breathe through my nose or mouth. My face was swollen. I was breathing through a hole punched on my throat. Every fifteen minutes, I would be awakened by my difficulty in breathing, the feeling was like choking in the water. Whenever I had the breathing difficulty, the nurse would insert the tube into my throat and sucked the fluid out. The discomfort was so strong, whenever she did that to me, I would cough for a few minutes, before I could breathe again. That was repeated every fifteen minutes throughout the night. Even I was semi-conscious, I could feel the discomfort and pain I suffered. The feeling was hard to explain in words. I was weeping all the way and prayed to God: "Why do you let me suffer like this?" I doubt my faith at that moment, as I felt my anger with God for my suffering. In the following morning, semi-consciously, I saw the principal of Warrane College, Father Paul and a few friends of mine came to see me. Then, I realized I was placed in the intensive care unit. I overheard that my operation was carried out from 8.30 a.m. to 5.00 p.m. It was indeed a major operation. Still felt great discomfort, I cried when Father Paul touched me. I wanted to talk but I couldn't as my upper and lower jaws were tied together. I could see a glimpse of metal frame on my face. Knowing that I could not speak, Father Paul gave me a pen and a piece of paper to write on. I remember with tears in my eyes, I was able to write just three words; "God loves me". I could see in their faces, they were deeply touched with my courage and my love for God. Then, I realized my anger with God was completely over and I really did love him deeply. "No matter what happens, we must always love God. He is the greatest and he takes care of us in every moment of our lives. We should not be angry with him because of our sufferings. Our sufferings are nothing compared with how God himself was crucified and suffered for our sins." I stayed in the intensive care unit for another day. Still half-conscious, my suffering continued on the second day, but I felt I could gradually cope with the breathing. The tube insert was really bad, but I gradually got used to it. It was done every fifteen minutes. On the third day, I was moved to the normal room. The room was big, which was shared by eight patients. I felt full conscious then. I guess they have stopped giving me the anaesthetic injection. It gave me another shock of my life, I saw so many plastic tubes, some big, some small, inserted into my body. A big tube was tight to the hole on my throat to help me breathing. A small tube was going through my nose for nutrition needs. A tube with a needle was poking into my right wrist for water dripping. Two tubes, one on the right and the other on the left side of my face, where surgeries were done. There was another tube coming out from my right chest area, where Dr. Norman did a bone craft to fill the gaps in my jawbones after the cut and join operation, and a small tube for urine discharge. There were a total of seven plastic tubes attaching to my body. Briefly, let me explain the nature of the surgery. The operation was done through both sides of my face and through my mouth. The lower jaw was cut, shortened and reshaped before joining it back into its position. The upper jaw or the upper part of my face bone was cut and shifted out to a normal face line. The rib craft was done to fill up the gaps after the bone adjustments. Stitches could be found on the right and left sides of my face, inside my mouth, just between my teeth and my lips, upper and lower portions and on the right chest region of my body. A triangular metal frame was hold in position by screwing its two supports into my forehead bone at the eyebrow areas. My upper and lower jaws were tight together by braces on my teeth and hold in position with a metal connected to the triangular metal frame. On the fourth day, I could move up from the bed and walking around in the hospital. I remember I was walking with a metal stand that was used to hang the water and other bags. People around the hospital were staring at me, I didn't know why. I went into the toilet, looked into the mirror and I was shocked. My face was swollen, about one and half times bigger than before. I looked really terrible, like monster, I should say. No wonder people were staring at me. Gradually the tubes were detached from my body. I remember the relief I felt every time a tube was removed. On the sixth day after the operation, I could breathe through my nose again. The nurse came and removed the plastic device from the hole on my throat, and sealed the hole with a plaster tape. It was the best relief ever since the operation. Later, my nutrition tube was removed. I was fed with liquid foods, by sucking through a straw. On the eight day, the swollen in my face gradually disappeared. I was transferred to a retreat home. It was a two storey bungalow house, with full medical facilities. The environment was peaceful and nice. I can't recall where it was located, I guess it must be quite far from the city. In the retreat home, my discomfort gradually faded. I could walk around in the garden nearby. After the discomfort has gone, no doubt not very convenient with the liquid foods and the locking of my jaw with the triangular metal frame, I felt I was recovering and I was looking forward to a new and confident life. I thanked God for answering my prayer. I was relieved and praised God for the successful surgery. I was warded in the retreat home for around two weeks. After that, I was back to Warrane College. The principal, Father Paul and my friends were so glad and welcomed me back. I needed friends, I needed someone to take care of me after the surgery, and most important of all someone to prepare the liquid foods for me. All that could be found in Warrane College. "I realize why God sent me to live in Warrane College just six months before the operation, by causing my car to break down. God moved me to Warrane College as he wanted friends to take care of me, and most important of all, someone to prepare the liquid foods for me after the operation. I can't imagine how I would live if I were living by myself in a rented apartment. It is really touching to know how much God loves me. He plans everything for me, makes things happen for good, only to be realized at a later time. I have learnt that I really have to be patient and endure all the problems and sufferings that I face. Whatever happens, if allowed by God, is for my good. All I have to do is to keep on praying to God and continue to be faithful to him." Two weeks later, or five weeks after the surgery, the triangular metal frame was removed from my face. It was God's blessing again, as that was the time when the study session started. I was on liquid foods for another two to three weeks before my jaws were unlocked. I recall my first bite of solid food, it was a Mac Donald fish fillet. The joints on my jaws were so painful, I guess it was the effect of the locking of my jaws for the last two months. After a while, the pain gradually disappeared, and I was able to eat the burger slowly. I really enjoyed the solid food and was so happy as finally I could say goodbye to liquid foods. I could see the success of the surgery. My face was completely different. I saw my jaw was smaller, and its alignment was normal in relation to the overall face structure. I realized I had witnessed a great miracle of God. I prayed with tears and thanked him deeply. In fact, it was the feeling of God's love that touched me, and not the new look of mine. "I believe towards the end just before my surgery, it was not the facial appearance that concerned me. I would not go for the surgery if I knew the suffering I would go through. However, without much knowledge of the extent of the surgery, I decided to proceed with it, as I knew it was the answered prayer from God. I was more delighted with the answered prayer than the change on my facial appearance." From then on, I could feel my confidence in life. I looked forward to the new life that God gave me, and vowed to be faithful to him and to rely on him for the rest of my life. In 1987, when I was 21 years old, I did very well in my studies. I scored many distinctions and credits in the second session. I was so glad and thankful to God for all the things he had given me. To show my appreciation to him, I was baptized by Father Paul in Warrane College. I decided to choose Matthew as my Christian name. "In 1983, at the age of 17, I was sad with my facial deformity. I prayed with faith for a normal appearance, never knew how God would help, just hoping for miracle. During the period of sorrows and loneliness, God had made my love for him so much stronger, and further strengthened my faith in him. Without knowing what God had planned for me, I went to study in Sydney. In fact, my trip to Sydney was the journey to my answered prayer. During the waiting period for God's miracle, my faith was tested. It was in Sydney where I could have the surgery free of charge, fully paid by the Australian government, through the Medicare scheme. Otherwise, I don't think I could have enough money to pay for the surgery expenses. My stay in Warrane College was another miracle. If not Warrane, no one would take care of me and prepared the liquid foods for me. The delay of the surgery until I reached 21 years old was another wise plan, the time when I could undergo the surgery without my parents' consent. All those were God's ingenious plans and miracles. I waited for five years to see my prayer answered. I believe God acted immediately after my first prayer, as all things happened during the five years waiting period were actually the preparations and a journey to the great miracle I had witnessed. God listens and acts immediately after hearing our prayers, because his love for us is so strong. He is indeed our Father in Heaven, who really cares for us and loves us. Anything we ask from him will be given to us, but at the same time he wants us to love him and be faithful to him, and will never allow us to be driven to Satan and fall into sins. We should learn to be patient with God and have good faith in him. Do not give out when prayer is not answered. The longer you wait, the stronger your faith will be, if you continue to hold on to him. Once the prayer is answered, your faith will be so strong that, you will not leave him forever. This is the marvelous relationship with God, experienced by many Christians worldwide. I can testify and share with you, but you will never understand, unless you are willing to experience it yourself." next page >> Forewords . 1965-73: Childhood . 1974-75: God's Call . 1976-81: The Relationship Continued . 1982-83: Singapore . 1984: Kuala Lumpur . 1985-87: Sydney . 1988-89: Penang . 1990-1991: Sydney . 1992: Year of Graduation . 1992-95: Working in Architecture Firm, Penang . 1995: Meeting My Wife . 1996: Year of Marriage . 1996-98: Discovering the Purpose of Life . Conclusion . Appendix I: Question & Answer . Appendix II: The Words of Christ